By: Danielle Zibiri
So what’s a summer fling? I don’t even need to explain really cause we’ve all had one. For some reason the “breakups” are more daunting than 5 year relationship breakups. I don’t know if the new environment, the thrill of not knowing what’s going to happen between you guys, or the fact you randomly met and it seems like you “meant to be”. (These are telling signs of how delusional I am) but you can’t tell me you haven’t felt this way too. Sometimes though, our flings have the potential to be much more, obviously logistics have to be put in place considering locations, lifestyle, values. However, if you really think there’s a chance, give it a shot! Cause I’ve regretted not doing things more than the things I did.
Look at the Potential
I know we always see minute long instagram reels of 30 year old women telling us to stop falling for the potential of men which is true, but it’s not always all bad. When I say potential I refer to the possibility of you and this summer romance actually being a thing. Is there a deeper connection beyond the physical? Is your desire for a deeper relationship one sided?
Communicate
I know telling someone you want more with them is nerve wracking, I’ve never had to do it thank God, but it can't be fun. Thinking about being rejected there and then would make you not want to say anything at all, But it’s so important to let things out. Sit with your fling and be honest and open about your feelings and understand if he feels them the same way, cause if he doesn’t there’s no moving forward. If he does, address your doubts and concerns to make sure you are both on the same page and ready for this relationship.
Shared Interest and Value
Getting with someone who has a completely different moral compass, value set and interest could end really badly. I’ve fallen into the trap of thinking I’m young, it doesn’t matter. But what’s the point of setting yourself up for heartbreak? Why do you want to put yourself down a road that you know for sure will not end well? It’s important to analyze this, and understand if this will be an issue in the longer term.
Transitioning into a New Relationship
Now let’s talk about how to actually transition into this. It’s more than likely that physically you have it all down with this guy. Primarily, I think this is where a major issue may lie in the process. With this guy you’ve skipped steps, first dates, getting to truly know each other, your first pure romantic kiss, meeting his family. It’s important not to put pressure on yourself or the guy to get it right and do everything immediately. We’re young and learning. And the moment you realize this you see how unnecessary and harmful pressure is. Discuss with your now boyfriend what he feels about these next steps, a timeline that’s important and truly how he feels. Consider him always.
Overcoming Challenges
No one talks about the moment you get to really know your boyfriend. Yes, you probably causally hooked up, or saw each other out from time to time. But you really don’t know them. It’s like when you move in with your boyfriend. It’s like starting the relationship afresh cause everything’s changing, the situations you're seeing him in are completely different and it’s hard to adjust to and understand. If you're going to be doing long distance this makes it even more anxiety filled so it’s important to understand your degree of love and what lengths you're willing to go to. I believe patience and managing expectations is key.
Maintaining the “Spark”
One thing for me that keeps a relationship interesting is constantly feeling like learning something new about the person. Also putting in effort to make your partner feel special, valued and simply loved. Life is funny, hard and obnoxious. It’s so easy to get caught up and almost see your relationship as just another thing you have . But I really believe the more you water it like a plant the stronger, better it grows. Whether it’s flowers, regular date night, putting an effort into your appearance just to look good for eachother. I think this is something very important.
Relationships are hard, but as long as you think your persons worth it, always go for it. (within reason)
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