By: Shaylin Smith
A breakup, something we have all been through, a feeling we are all familiar with. Anyone who has gone through a breakup knows that there is no rule book on how to get through it. You experience a roller coaster of emotions and a sense of confusion on what to do now. Yes, time helps, but there are ways to make the process less painful. Here are five tips to get you through breakup season.
1. Talk about it with someone
I think the best way to get through something is to talk about it. Even if you are a person who keeps everything inside, you should really try to talk about your feelings as much as possible. Whether it's with a friend, a family member, a therapist, or someone who is just willing to listen, talking about what you are going through will help you get past it. When the people around you know that you are hurting, they will do everything they can to encourage you and be there for you. Staying surrounded by people and feeling the love people have for you is the best feeling after something hard happens. It is a reminder that what happened to you does not define you and there are so many people out there who love you and want the best for you, even if he didn’t.
2. Putting all the effort you put into him into yourself
You spent however long you were with your significant other giving yourself to him. It is now time to give yourself to you! Take all of the time you spent worrying about him, thinking about him, and doing things for him and put it into you. Do things to better yourself like working out, cooking, or picking up a new hobby. This will not only keep you busy and prevent you from thinking about him, but with time you will become a better version of yourself and leave who you were with him behind. It may sound cliche, but focusing on yourself really is the most beneficial thing for you. You need to learn how to love yourself without him, and putting energy into becoming a better version of yourself helps so much.
3. STOP TEXTING HIM!
The only way to move forward is to leave what’s past in the past. If you keep listening to his apologetic words and excuses, you will never be able to move forward. I was with my ex boyfriend for 2 and a half years, and we were friends for 5 years before that. To say that him exiting my life was hard is an understatement. Talking to him on a daily basis about everything going on in my life was a habit, it had been routine for years. I talked to a therapist because I needed to get over the hump of not talking to him. My therapist told me to think about it like a video game. I was confused at first too, but let me explain. In a video game, when you are trying to kill a bad guy, each time you shoot them, they die 10% more. So after shooting them enough times, it reaches 100% and they are dead. Every single day you go without answering a text, calling him, texting him, it kills the habit 10% more. The more consistent you are about it, the more the percentage goes up, and eventually the habit and feeling the need to talk to them dies 100%. This was the most helpful advice I had ever received. Take it day by day, kill the habit little by little, and eventually the feeling of needing to talk to them will go away.
4. Understand your breakup is preparing you for something better
I live by the saying “everything happens for a reason”. It is hard to believe in the moment, trust me, I know. But give it a couple months, and you will look back and realize that a big mess can lead to so much good. Take me for an example! My ex boyfriend and I did long distance. 7 months into long distance, and 2 and a half years into dating, we broke up. Just a couple months after getting cheated on and going through one of the hardest things possible, I met someone who truly is so much better for me and where I am at in life right now. We have now been dating for a year and it has been one of the best things that's ever happened to me. If you had told me that I was going to meet someone who is so perfect for me just a couple months after my breakup I would have laughed. But one door closed and another one opened, and I now say that my ex and I breaking up was probably the best thing for us. Trust the process, give it time, keep your heart open, and I promise you, so much good will come out of the bad.
5. Enjoy this new period of life
As much as you might be wishing things were not like this, or that you wish this never happened, try to look at it like this : You now have the opportunity to enjoy being single, work on yourself, strengthen your relationships with friends, and enjoy a new season of life. Relationships are hard work. When you're single, you don’t have to deal with anyone but you! You get to learn how to love being alone. After enough time flying solo, you learn to love and appreciate your own company. You have more time to devote to your passions. If you have been wanting to spend more time reading, running, or trying something completely new, you now get to do it! Whatever floats your boat, you get to do it. And most importantly, being single allows you to get to know you on the deepest level. You can create a life that is uniquely your own and then look for someone to share it with after healing and discovering more about yourself. Enjoy this process, being single can be amazing if you let it!
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