By: Shaylin Smith
Going through a breakup is always hard, but it is especially hard to go through during this time of the year. The holidays are full of spending time with loved ones and if you just lost your significant other, it is really easy to start feeling lonely during this time of year. I just went through a breakup myself, and after a little bit of time I want to offer my advice to those who are going through it too. Here are a few tips on how to get through your breakup and make the most of being alone.
Go through it, not around it
Allow yourself time to sit in your feelings and process what has just occurred. Distracting yourself and getting back out there will come with time, but I think the first and most important thing to do is allow yourself to feel your feelings and process your emotions. Embrace the feelings of sadness, confusion, and loss instead of avoiding and denying it. The only way to get through this is to go through it. You must accept the situation to begin moving forward from it. I did this through talking with my friends or family about my emotions and writing down my thoughts and what I wish I could say to him. These things helped me embrace my emotions rather than avoiding feeling the hard, sad things that come with a breakup. The longer you avoid it, the longer it takes you to heal from it.
Stop trying to understand it
I had a hard time accepting the breakup because I could not understand the breakup. I had so many what if’s going through my head and so many why’s. I kept thinking to myself that if I changed this or adjusted that then we could have made it work. STOP. If he didn’t want to make it work, then neither do you. It took me a very long time to realize that, and it will take you a while too, but you do not want to put any more of your energy into someone who could not realize what they had when they had it. No more sacrificing, no more compromising, and no more begging. If they don’t want you, I promise you, you do not want them. I know you love them, but if they can’t see that you are worth loving and working things out with, then you shouldn't either. Accept the situation without trying to understand every in and out of it. Let them leaving be your closure and your answer.
Find the good in this
It's devastating and absolutely heartbreaking to lose someone you love. It's one of the worst feelings on the planet and there is no denying that. But good does come from this. Some people come into your life to teach you something and then it is their time to leave. From my last relationship I learned what I do and don’t want from someone in my future. I learned what I am and am not willing to sacrifice in a relationship. I learned my worth and how much someone should value me and my heart. I realized that I should never be “too much” for someone, and that if I am, they can go find less. As each relationship ends, you become one step closer to finding the perfect person for you. There is so much good in losing someone who was never meant for you anyways.
Take all the love you gave to them, and give it to yourself
While in a relationship, you dedicate your heart, time, emotions, and money into your significant other. Take all that you invested in them, and invest it into yourself. Allow yourself to become better from this and learn to live for you. The best revenge is no revenge because them having to watch you become a happier, better version without them is enough. It sounds cliche but there was a life before him, and there is a life after him. Remember who you were before he came into your life and how confident, independent, powerful, and beautiful you were and are.
Walk away and don’t look back. Starting over is scary, but it is so exciting.
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